a swelling rage
by emjem18
Summary: Alex knew her sister was headed for a breakdown. She expected it. She did not, however, expect it to be this colossal.
1. break me down

**AN: hello! This is pretty angsty...I'm sorry! I also wrote it before the last episode and was too lazy to shuffle things around in regards to Astra. I'm aiming for 3 chapters but it could only end up being 2.**

Alex barely had time to throw her car in park before Director Henshaw appeared at the entrance of the DEO, his arms crossed and usual grim facial expression in tact. She slowly pulled herself out of the car and suppressed the yawn rising in her throat. Overnights at the DEO were torture.

"Agent Danvers," Hank greeted robotically, tilting his head forward a bit. "We have a problem."

Alex laughed tiredly. "We always have a problem, sir." She glanced at her watch and realized she was three minutes late. Immediately, she cleared her throat and trailed behind her boss a few paces. "If this has _anything_ to do with me being three…only three minutes late, I can explain."

She tried to keep her thoughts straight, suddenly remembering J'onn could read minds. He certainly did not need to know she was late because of the Housewives marathon she had been watching for the past four hours. Who needed sleep when she could watch middle-aged rich women fight? It made her feel like her life was normal. Sort of.

"It's your sister."

Alex stopped short in confusion. "I just talked to her a few hours ago. She was fine. It, it was her office game night or whatever they do that I'm not invited to. But it's whatever. Who has a game night anyway?"

"Well, unless her office game night is located in the special room you made for her, she's lying," Hank replied dryly, ignoring the slight bitterness in Alex's tone. He cleared his throat to get her back on track.

"Kara doesn't lie to me," Alex protested softly. "She knows better."

Hank crossed his arms in authority. "And you think I'm lying to you, Alex?"

"No!" Alex was quick to blurt out. "Of course not, sir. I just…"

"I understand." Hank laid a comforting hand on Alex's forearm and motioned for her to follow. "She's been in there for almost an hour. We can't get in since you made it so the door only opens for her."

"And me," Alex corrected softly. She couldn't help but smile triumphantly when she placed her hand over the screen and pressed a few buttons. "Security override. I did it in case this ever happened."

"She's completely drained herself. Go easy on her."

Alex fiddled with a few more buttons and sighed when the door flung open. She nodded graciously towards Henshaw before taking small, quiet steps into the room. Alura's hologram was sporadically flickering, the box that controlled it barely hanging on by a few wires. It was clear Kara attempted to destroy it.

Despite Kara's best efforts to conceal herself with the cape, Alex found her almost immediately. The older girl took a deep breath and gently walked over, making sure her combat boots did not scuff against the floor. She couldn't disturb Kara. She was in a fragile state. Any sudden move would set her off. Alex had only seen her sister like this a few times; mostly when they were younger and Kara was still adjusting to earth. She remembered how closed off Kara was, how lifeless she was.

She couldn't take that happening again.

"Kara?" Alex's voice was barely a whisper. She did not want to speak too loud for fear it would upset her sister.

Kara didn't react. She hugged her knees tighter and continued to stare at the floor.

Alex eased herself down on the floor and locked her hands together to stop herself from reaching out to touch her sister. "Kara, hey. What are you doing?"

Nothing. Alex was talking to a wall. She got up and shut Alura's hologram off, wincing when it elicited a sizzling noise. That was it. Alex knew it was annihilated. Kara's one last connection to her mother was gone. It would take another year or so to make it work again.

Kara looked up and suddenly acknowledged her sister's presence. Her throat was dry and scratchy. She couldn't clear it. It felt like she had swallowed broken glass. "What, what are you doing?" Her eyes darted around the room frantically. "How'd you get in here?"

Alex sighed and crossed her arms. Kara sounded so lost. Her voice was hoarse and almost gone. "I wrote the security code," she laughed sadly. "You don't think I can override it?"

"I just want to be alone," Kara confessed tiredly. She rested her forehead on her knees and tried hiding under her cape again. When Alex sat down next to her, she shut her eyes. "P-please go away."

Alex fought the urge to wrap Kara in her arms and never let go. But she couldn't. Not yet at least. She had to wait until her sister was in the right frame her mind. Right now, any touch or sudden movement would break her.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alex asked after ten minutes of silence. Kara still hadn't moved or made a single sound.

"No." Kara sucked in a breath and stretched out her left leg.

"Okay," Alex answered, trying her best to understand why Kara was shutting her out like this. It was like her sister regressed eleven years.

"Alex, please," Kara's voice cracked. She finally made eye contact with her sister and turned away when Alex's mouth turned into a frown. Her eyes were probably bright red, all dry and blotchy. "Leave me alone."

"I know you've got a lot going on but shutting me out isn't going to help," Alex whispered, taking the chance to grab Kara's hand. She winced when Kara recoiled and tucked her hands under the cape. "Kara, please."

Kara heard the desperation in Alex's voice and felt the oncoming tears sting her already cried out eyes. "You wouldn't understand. No one understands."

Alex leaned her head back on the wall and fiddled with the empty gun holster attached to her right thigh. "Try me."

Kara sunk her top two teeth into the bottom of her lip to stop it from quivering. Her emotions were going haywire. Nothing was helping. She didn't want Alex to witness yet another one of her breakdowns. This was going to be a big one and she was sure her sister would ban her from going to work and fulfilling her Supergirl duties for at least two or three weeks.

"Everything is just…falling apart," Kara finally confessed, her voice so heartbreakingly small, that tears began to pool in Alex's eyes.

Alex didn't dare to press further. Instead, she slowly slid her hand across the floor and placed it over her sister's. This time, Kara didn't pull away. She held on for dear life. They sat in silence until Kara found the strength to continue.

"It's like my whole life was a lie," Kara pushed on dismally. "Everything about my mother is ruined. Every memory I have is tainted."

"You're letting Astra get in your head," Alex said, scooting over so there was barely any space between her and Kara. "Don't let her take away what you've always known. She could be lying."

Kara frantically shook her head. "No. No. Astra's not like that. She l-loved me."

"How do you know?"

"How do _you_ know?" Kara couldn't keep it together anymore. She ripped her hand free and stood up, glaring down at her sister and feeling the anger bubble inside her. Alex looked terrified. "You don't know what it was like, Alex. You don't!"

Alex held her hands up in defense and stood up. "You're right, I don't."

"So stop, stop telling me Astra's getting in my head." Kara repeatedly banged the side of her head and yelped at the sudden pain.

"You drained your powers, Kara," Alex whispered sympathetically. "And it's only going to get worse if you don't calm down."

"Don't," Kara snapped harshly. She began pacing all around the room, holding her hands up in a defensive position as if she and Alex were going to spar. "Don't tell me how to feel. I'm sick of everyone telling me how to feel."

Alex felt her heart constrict. Kara was quite literally falling apart right in front of her eyes and nothing was going to help. She anticipated her little sister having a breakdown sometime soon but it wasn't supposed to be this sudden. She was supposed to be ahead of it so Kara wouldn't get this fragile. Ever since Astra had been contained, Kara was off. Deep down, Alex was afraid somehow Kara would side with her _blood_ and turn on her. She was scared Astra was going to take her little sister, the one she raised in the formative years of her life, away.

Astra used to be one of the most important people in Kara's life. She was someone Kara admired greatly and used to tell dozens of stories of the adventures they had together. Alex was always internally jealous; her one and only aunt was a bitter woman who constantly belittled her because of the interest she had in science. With Astra back in the picture, Alex felt like she needed to be on her game, like she needed to vie to be the most important person in Kara's life again.

"You're right," Alex conceded. "I'm sorry."

Kara exhaled angrily and gently kicked the wall with her boots. "I wish my parents never sent me here," she confessed. "I wish I died along with the others on Krypton."

"No. You don't mean that." Alex's voice shook.

"I'm never going to be normal, Alex!" Kara screamed in frustration. She pulled at her hair and looked up at the ceiling. "Things are never going to slow down. It's like my mind is always racing and I feel like I'm being pulled in sixteen different directions. I can't do anything right at work, Hank is always doubting me, and you, you…"

Alex was afraid to hear the rest. She heard Kara mumbling in what she suspected was Kryptonese. "You just need a break, Kara. Let me take you home."

"No," Kara protested. "No."

"You can't stay in here all night," Alex said matter-of-factly. She watched Kara continue to circle the room in utter despair and agony.

Kara stopped; suddenly realizing her mother's hologram was gone. "What did you do? Why did you…why is my mother gone?" She rushed over to the controls and banged them frantically. "Alex, fix it! Fix this now!"

"I, I can't."

"Yes, you can!" Kara screeched. She began hitting the already broken tablet, pushing every button that wasn't warped on the screen. "You always fix things, Alex. You have to fix it!"

Alex grabbed Kara by the waist and yanked her away. "Kara, stop. It's broken."

"It can't be broken," Kara whimpered, struggling to break free. She writhed and wriggled in her sister's arms. Alex was a hell of a lot stronger than she gave her credit for. "Alex, please. Fix it."

Kara was getting weaker and weaker. She squinted her eyes and let out a sob when her heat vision didn't work. She tried again and again. "I need to ask her one more thing. I need my mom, Alex." She wrangled herself free and smacked the tablet as hard as she could. The pain immediately shot through her hand. "Mom! Mommy!"

Alex wiped her eyes, desperate to keep her emotions in check. Her mother conditioned her to never let Kara see her upset. To stay strong and make sure Kara was well taken care of. "Kara, it's broken, okay? I'd have to, I'd have to re-write the coding and that could take weeks. Months even."

"No!" Kara whimpered. "No. You're lying! Please, Alex. Bring her back." She knocked the tablet off the wall and stomped on it until it became unrecognizable. "You have to try! You have to try. I need to ask her…I need…" She was gasping for breath, feeling like the walls were closing in on her. "I got so angry…she just kept, kept telling me she wasn't programmed to answer that and…"

Alex caught Kara just as she was about to fall to the ground. She eased them both down and held her sister so tightly, she was afraid Kara couldn't breathe properly.

"I'm sorry," was all Alex could say. It wasn't going to help anything, especially since Kara was still resisting her comfort. But she refused to let go. Kara being powerless made it a lot easier to hold her in place. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Kara eventually stopped fighting and laid in a heap across Alex's lap, closing her eyes as Alex's hands gently threaded through her hair. She was angry, frustrated, scared, and lost. So lost. No one understood what she was going through, not even her cousin. Kal El had no memories of Krypton. Kara had several. Several memories that included the sounds and images of her home planet combusting seconds after her pod took off.

Alex closed her eyes as well as Kara's tears dripped onto her black pants, every painful sob making her sister's body shake. Alex had never felt this helpless before.

"I just want to remember _something_ nice about her," Kara finally spoke nearly a half an hour later. She remained hugging Alex's legs. "Because sometimes, I can't remember anything at all. I can't remember her eye color or what she smelled like. It's a smell that's not on earth. I just have a memory of being told she was a good woman. Now? I'm not so sure."

"I'm sure your mother was a good woman," Alex promised softly. She rubbed Kara's back soothingly. "Otherwise, how did you turn out so well?" She was hoping to get a smile out of Kara, maybe even a frown. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Kara sat up with a groan and rubbed her exhausted face. She felt cold, anxious. Weak. How did humans endure this type of pain on a daily basis?

"Easy," Alex instructed when Kara tried to stand. She steadied her sister when she began to wobble, clearly uneasy on her feet. "We should get you under the sun lamps."

"No," Kara said darkly. Her voice was devoid of any emotion and Alex was scared.

"What?"

"I…said no," Kara repeated slowly. "Don't. I don't want you to fix me."

"Kara-"

Kara threw her hands up in the air. "Alex, stop. Stop fussing over me!" she told her sister dejectedly. The pain was evident in Alex's eyes. "Just leave me alone."

"You need to rest, Kara. You're burning yourself out and it's not good." Alex sighed when Kara sank back down to the floor and retreated back to her previous position.

Kara wasn't going to respond, Alex knew that. It was how she operated. Once everything was on the table, Kara shut herself off and refused to speak. Alex would eventually grow tried of needling her and let it go.

Alex, however, had a different plan. This was something they couldn't sweep under the rug. She knelt down in front of her sister and took her hands. "Kara, come on. I'll take you home, okay? We can make some tea and even order pot stickers."

Kara kept her gaze trained on the wall across the room. She refused to break again and ignored Alex's fingers grazing over her knuckles.

"Don't make me carry you out of this room," Alex threatened in her big sister voice. When Kara _still_ didn't react, Alex groaned. "Fine. It's going to be a lot more embarrassing for you than for me."

She gave Kara one minute to move but when she didn't, Alex pulled her up almost effortlessly and threw her sister over her shoulder. She expected Kara to start screaming and flailing. She did not expect Kara's legs to lock tightly around her waist and her arms to hold on to her neck for dear life.

The bright, halogen lights stung Kara's eyes once they exited the blue tinted room. She threw her cape over her head in utter embarrassment. She must have looked so pathetic, so childish as she buried her face in the crook of Alex's neck, breathing in her scent and finding comfort in the slight vanilla smell. That's what Alex _always_ smelled like. Eliza smelled like lavender. Jeremiah…Kara racked her brain and nearly started sobbing again when she couldn't remember. It was musty. That's all she could remember.

Alex did her best to ignore the sensation of Kara's tears dribbling down her neck, searching through the crowd of nosy DEO agents for Hank She breathed a sigh of relief when he seemingly appeared out of nowhere.

"We've got a room ready," Hank said quietly.

"Okay," Alex whispered, wincing when she felt Kara's grip tighten. Her sister's fingers were digging into her neatly pressed black polo, trying so hard to keep a firm grip on the starch fabric. She looked at Agent Carson and Agent Willis knowingly. They were going to take Kara away in seconds. There was no way Henshaw would allow her to transfer Kara to the recovery room. She'd most likely have to be sedated and that was something Alex did not want to do. Or witness.

"Alex," Hank said pointedly, his eyes traveling down to Kara's trembling body.

Alex preferred Agent Carson to Willis and tried to loosen Kara's grip so her sister wouldn't be completely ripped away from her. In one swift motion, Agent Carson pulled Kara away by her waist and Alex saw the fear in her sister's eyes.

Kara took a few seconds to react. When she realized what was happening, she tried wriggling free out of the strange agent's strong grip, her arms stretching as far as they could go toward her sister. "Alex!" she screamed at the top of her lungs as she was being carted away. "ALEX!"

"You're going to have to sedate her," Alex told Agent Willis stiffly. "But don't completely knock her out. Understand?"

Agent Willis nodded and rushed off, leaving Alex and Hank alone.

"Alex-"

"I'm fine," Alex lied, sucking in a deep breath. She couldn't break down at work. No. She was not going to break down at all. This is where she had to separate herself from Alex the DEO agent, and Kara Danvers' big sister. Right now, she was the DEO agent. She had to be professional. "What do you need me to do?"

"Go home," Hank replied. His tone left little room for Alex to protest. "You're not in the right place to be at work. Go. Get some rest."

"I can't leave her," Alex, however, did protest. "She had a breakdown, sir. Astra got in her head, the pressure…everything. It broke her. There's no way I'm leaving her here."

Hank knew arguing was fruitless. He sighed and laid a comforting hand on Alex's shoulder. Her eyes were swimming with tears that desperately wanted to be set free. But that's not how Alex worked. She wasn't a crier. She viewed it as a sign of weakness.

"It's okay to be upset," he told her softly.

Alex shook her head and dug her boots into the floor. "I'm fine, sir." She reached in her back pocket and took out her cell phone. "I'm going to call my mother. Kara needs her." Then, after a pause, she softly admitted, "I need her, too."

Hank smiled, knowing how hard it must have been for Alex to admit she couldn't deal with Kara on her own. "You do that, Agent Danvers. I'll check on your sister."

Alex broke down on the phone with her mother. She couldn't hold it together as she locked herself in an empty utility closet and recounted Kara's breakdown. Eliza promised it wasn't her fault. It was the stress of the job. Alex could tell by her mother's tone that she was probably going to point out that's why she didn't want Kara to revel in her true identity. Alex was waiting for the lecture, for the disappointment to railroad her. But when Eliza revealed she was going to catch the first plane out to National City, Alex nearly collapsed in relief.

She gave herself ample time to get her emotions in check. Driving to Kara's apartment from the DEO base only took seven minutes but Alex took her time to make sure she grabbed Kara's favorite pair of pajamas and anything else that could bring her comfort since she obviously couldn't. She also grabbed the fuzzy blue polka dot blanket Eliza had given Kara on her first night on earth. It still faintly smelled like the old Danvers home. After Kara moved to National City, Eliza sold their childhood home and bought a condo on the beach. She claimed one person did not need four bedrooms.

It tore Kara up more than it did Alex.

Alex stuffed everything in a flimsy shopping bag and slipped out of Kara's apartment, avoiding eye contact with her sister's old nosy neighbor, Mrs. Benson.

The drive back to the DEO was quick. Alex made sure to blast the radio as loud as her ears could take so she wasn't festering in her thoughts.

Hank was waiting for her at the entrance again.

"I'm having déjà vu, sir," she laughed dryly, clutching the bag in her hands in case Hank had any objections. "How's Kara?"

"I think it's best you stay away," Hank said. He turned away when Alex's face immediately fell. "Your sister _bit_ Agent Carson and broke through the skin. She had to be heavily sedated and restrained."

Alex felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. "She's, she's hurting. You don't need to restrain her. She doesn't even have her powers!"

"She's still angry, Alex," Hank's voice rose. "I refuse to let you see her like that. Go home. Rest. I'll call you in the morning."

"Sir, with all due respect-"

"I said go home, Alex. That's an order."

Alex _never_ defied her boss but there was no way in hell she was going to go home and sleep peacefully knowing her baby sister was restrained on an uncomfortable bed. "She's going to wake up petrified."

Hank closed his eyes at the break in Alex's voice. "I will take care of her. Do you trust me?"

"Y-yes, but-"

"But nothing, Alex. Go home. I'll bring her to you in a few hours when the sedative wears off."

Alex had felt defeated. She was beyond exhausted and tired of trying to be strong. She let the tears slip down her cheeks and was hesitant to look up at her boss for fear she'd be perceived as feeble. "Tell her I love her, o-okay?"

Hank nodded and helped Alex into her car. "Rest, Alex. You're going to need it." He wiped a lone tear from Alex's eye and sighed. "It's the calm before the storm."


	2. give me back my broken parts

**Sorry this took so long! I had writer's block and attempted to write and re-write this 3 times. It wasn't how I pictured it going but we're just going to roll with it. Hopefully the last part will be up by this weekend! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews. I really appreciate them.**

Kara shot up in bed, dazed and confused. She could feel the sweat dripping down her forehead as she peered all around her bedroom, unsure how she got there. The last thing she remembered was being ripped from Alex's clutches and strapped down to a metal table while she screamed until her voice went hoarse.

Then, everything went black.

She took a deep breath and grabbed the covers tightly. The sun was streaming through the small crack in the brightly colored curtains. Kara looked down at the comforter when she heard light footsteps and hoped it wasn't Hank Henshaw. She had already embarrassed herself in front of him enough.

"Kara, hey." It was Alex. Her voice was so soft and full of concern that Kara didn't want to even make eye contact with her sister for fear she'd break down. "How are you feeling?" Alex perched herself on the edge of the bed.

"C-confused," Kara stuttered. She closed her eyes when Alex began rubbing soothing circles on her back. Her grip on the covers got tighter and she could feel her fingers numbing. "How, how did I get here?"

Alex kept her distance in case Kara wasn't ready for physical contact. "Hank brought you by around two am."

Kara looked at the clock and gasped when it was past eight. "Work! I, I have to be at work. Oh…oh my god. Ms. Grant is going to fire me for sure."

"Relax, relax," Alex commanded when Kara attempted to get out of bed. She held her sister in place and brushed the hair out of her eyes. "I called Cat earlier and told her you weren't feeling well. She seemed pretty understanding."

"N-no," Kara began, frantically shaking her head. She wished her voice would stop shaking. It made her sound like a ten year old. "She's, she's going to be mad!"

"She won't be mad," Alex promised. She placed her hands on Kara's shoulder and tried not to frown when she shrugged them off. "And if she has a problem when you go back to work, I'll talk to her."

"No!" Kara screeched. "This is so embarrassing. She's going to hold it over my head that my big sister called out of work for me."

Alex rolled her eyes at her sister's rambling. "Breathe, Kara. In and out."

Kara reluctantly did as she was told and sat up straighter when a cold shiver ran through her body. She twitched, clearly not used to the sensation. "I'm c-cold."

"You blew out your powers last night," Alex supplied carefully, noticing the look of horror sweeping across Kara's face. She got off the bed and rifled through Kara's closet for a hoodie. "Oh, here's my old Stanford sweatshirt. I've been looking for this." She threw the sweatshirt at Kara and chuckled when it landed right on top of her head. The younger girl, however, was not amused.

"Mean," Kara mumbled with a slight pout, throwing the rather large red sweatshirt over her head. "My head hurts."

"Do you want some aspirin?"

Kara merely shrugged. "Will it make the elephant that's sitting on my head go away?"

"Hopefully," Alex said with a weak smile. She grabbed her purse from the corner of the room and dutifully deposited two pills in Kara's outstretched palm. "Take them with some water, okay? Swallow slowly."

"I know how to swallow, Alex," Kara said in annoyance. She shoved the two white pills in her mouth and downed them with a large gulp of water. "I feel like I've been hit by a bus. It's not a good feeling."

Alex sat back down on the bed and patted her sister's knee. "Do you want to talk about what happened yesterday?"

"No," Kara automatically replied, fixing her gaze down to her lap. She absently traced the faded polar bears on her pajama pants and sighed.

"Mom will be here soon," Alex whispered, wondering if that would trigger a reaction from Kara. She still didn't look up. "I cleaned your entire apartment _and_ threw out all the expired stuff in the fridge."

"W-why?"

"Why?" Alex scoffed. "Because that's one less thing mom can hassle me about. You know she's going to blame me for the way you live like a college student."

"No. Why did you call Eliza?" Kara looked up at her sister, eyes swimming with tears.

That wasn't the reaction Alex was expecting. "What? Why wouldn't I call her? She's your…" She trailed off, watching Kara's face grow cold.

"She's my what?" Kara asked icily. "My mom?"

Alex closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "You know what I mean."

"My mom's _dead_ , Alex," Kara snapped. She kicked the covers off her lap and attempted to get out of bed, nearly falling face first onto the ground. Her head was spinning and it felt like the room was moving.

Alex stood up and slung her arm around Kara's waist. "You need to take it easy. You're weak. Get back in the bed."

"No."

"Kara, don't do this," Alex pleaded, her voice breaking. "Don't shut me out."

"I, I don't need your mom to take care of me," Kara argued lowly. She pushed Alex away and fiddled with the sleeves of the oversized sweatshirt. "I don't need anyone to take care of me."

"You had a breakdown," Alex blurted out, shocking herself and Kara with the revelation. "A really bad one."

Kara began to shake her head frantically. "N-no. No, I didn't." She refused to believe what Alex was saying. "So I cry at the DEO once and everyone thinks I'm crazy?"

"Kara, you had to be restrained _and_ sedated," Alex pointed out. She closed her eyes and hoped that would keep the tears at bay. Kara couldn't see her cry. She had to be strong and hold it together. "You bit Agent Carson!"

"Only his thumb! What a baby," Kara scoffed in defense.

Alex sighed and looked Kara dead in the eyes. "You need to stop and think about what happened. This isn't something you can sweep under the rug and pretend like it's all sunshine and roses when it's not."

Kara plopped down on the bed and crossed her arms petulantly. "Can't you just…can't you just leave it alone?"

The incessant knocking on the front door cut Alex off as she went to open her mouth. Kara was glad to be spared the lecture. She wasn't ready to face Eliza but had no choice when Alex pulled her off the bed.

"Have you always been this strong?" Kara tried to joke but Alex wasn't having it.

Alex motioned for Kara to open the door when the knocking got louder. Eliza was getting impatient. "Open it. You're the one she wants to see."

Kara felt the nerves ignite and let her hand hover over the door. She took a deep breath and plastered on the biggest smile she could muster. "Eliza-"

"Oh, you poor thing." Eliza immediately rushed in and engulfed Kara in a tight hug, nearly knocking the younger girl down. "Alex, get my bags."

Alex rolled her eyes and kicked her mother's obnoxiously large carry on bag across the threshold and let it sit in the corner of the kitchen. "Mom, easy. You're going to crush her."

"I'm finding it hard to breathe," Kara admitted, her voice muffled by Eliza's shoulder. She rubbed her stomach when Eliza pulled back. "Have, have you been working out, Eliza? You're a lot stronger than you were at Thanksgiving!"

Eliza narrowed her eyes at Kara's nervous tone. "I'm flattered, honey, but no. I know what you're doing. You did it when you first came to live with us."

"W-what am I doing?" Kara took a step back and pulled anxiously at the sleeves of her sweatshirt. She could see Alex looking at her in the corner of her eye. "Can't, can't I just compliment you on…on your newfound strength?"

Alex stared at Kara in concern. "Are you having a stroke?"

"No!" Kara snapped. "I am not having a stroke!" She looked between Eliza and Alex, feeling overwhelmed all of a sudden. "I, I don't know what Alex told you but I'm fine. Totally fine. No need to worry."

"Alex told me you had a breakdown," Eliza said skeptically. She glanced at her elder daughter in concern. "She called me crying so I know it must have been serious."

Kara felt like the walls were closing in on her. She took a step back and frantically shook her head back and forth. "N-no!"

"Kara," Alex implored desperately. "Please."

"Sweetie, it's okay that this happened," Eliza started softly. "You're being pulled in so many different directions. It was only a matter of time before you broke down. It doesn't make you less of a person, Kara."

Kara was breaking. She bit down on her bottom lip and stared intently at the hardwood floor. Her body was trembling but she refused Eliza's embrace. She refused Alex's embrace. "I, I just want to be alone."

"We're here to help." Eliza tried a different approach. "You don't need to be embarrassed about what happened."

It was all coming back to her so suddenly. The feeling of being ripped away from the one person who made her feel safe, the feeling of the restraints chaining her wrists to the cold table, the feeling of her teeth sinking into Agent Carson's thumb right before he injected a rather large needle in the side of her neck.

She couldn't hold it together anymore. It started with a tiny sob that could not be contained by throwing her hand over her mouth. Then, Eliza held her tightly and there was no use fighting back. Kara cried harder and threw her arms around Eliza's waist, burying her face in the crook of the woman's neck and breathing in the familiar lavender scent. But it wasn't bringing any comfort to her. She kept thinking about Alura and how she couldn't remember what she smelled like. She couldn't remember if her mother's eyes were green or blue or what her voice sounded like.

It wasn't as cold as Atra's voice; but it was similar. They had a similar cadence to their tone. Sometimes, if Kara closed her eyes, she couldn't tell them apart when she was a kid. Astra had green eyes. Green eyes that were full of deceit. Did that mean Alura had green eyes as well?

"I, I can't remember," Kara sobbed quietly, her grip tightening on Eliza when it felt like she was pulling away.

Eliza smoothed down Kara's hair. "Remember what?"

"I can't remember what color my mom's eyes are," Kara admitted in a tiny voice. "And I can't remember what her voice sounds like or what she smelled like."

Alex felt a pang of jealousy that Kara was wrapped up tightly in Eliza's arms. She stepped forward and gingerly rubbed her sister's back. "I know it must hurt," she whispered softly, letting her fingers play with Kara's limp hair. "But think about it, Kara. You came to earth with nothing but the clothes on your back. You had no pictures, no reminders of your family on Krypton. It's not your fault."

Kara sniffled and slowly but surely loosened her grip on Eliza.

"She's right, honey," Eliza continued for Alex. "Don't blame yourself for not being able to remember those things about your mother."

"Sometimes I wonder why she sent me away," Kara rasped shyly. She readjusted herself in Eliza's arms and started to feel the motherly affection she had been suppressing for the past twelve years because she felt like it was betraying her own mother, wherever she may be.

"She wanted a better life for you."

That wasn't the answer Kara was looking for. She ripped herself free from Eliza and nearly fell backward into Alex. "This isn't a better life! I'm, I'm…" her voice was breaking yet again and she couldn't control the flood of tears rushing down her cheeks in waves. "I'm not normal. I'm never going to be normal. Why would you guys want me anyway? I just ruined things."

Now, Alex spoke up. "Is that what you think? That you ruined things?"

"Yes," Kara whispered, her voice devoid of any emotion. "Jeremiah would still be alive if it wasn't for me! Maybe Eliza wouldn't be so hard on you if it wasn't for me."

"Jeremiah's death was not your fault, Kara," Eliza stressed carefully, making sure her tone wasn't too angry so it would not upset Kara further. She laid a gentle hand on Kara's shoulder and squeezed it affectionately. "I don't want to ever hear you blame yourself for that again. Understand?"

"And mom would still be hard on me. Even if you never came to live with us," Alex said jokingly, poking Kara's sides. She frowned when Kara simply stepped away and hugged herself tightly to stop her body from shaking. "Kara, we love you. We're your family."

"Your mom would be proud of you, sweetie," Eliza complimented softly. "She raised you with the heart of a hero."

"No. No. No."

Astra was getting inside her head again. Her words were twisting like a knife.

Kara whipped around and glared at her foster mother and sister. "No! My mother was…she was…a liar. She lied to me."

"You need to stop letting what your aunt said cloud whatever memories you have of your mother," Alex demanded harshly. "She's trying to get in your head and it's clearly working. Remember your mother the way you want to."

Kara kicked the back of the armchair in the corner of the room and whimpered when the pain shot through her foot. It only escalated her frustration.

Eliza stepped forward again and hugged Kara from behind. Alex felt helpless. Usually _she_ could get Kara to respond, not her mother.

"How about you let Alex tuck you back into bed and I'll run to the store so I can make you some chocolate pecan pie?"

Kara sniffled and twirled the strings on the sweatshirt around her index finger. "No fair," she whispered. "You know I can't resist pie." She closed her eyes when she felt Eliza kiss the back of her head lovingly.

"I know." Eliza smiled and gently guided Kara toward Alex. She was grateful when Kara didn't think twice about grabbing on to Alex's outstretched hand.

Kara felt Alex's slightly smaller hand squeeze her own and instantly felt safe. She let her older sister pull her to the bedroom and watched Alex fluff the pillows and pull the blankets down so she could slide in.

"Do you need anything?" Alex asked softly, watching Kara's eyes fighting to stay open. She pulled the covers up to her sister's chin and kissed her forehead.

"Stay," Kara pleaded in a small voice. She tugged on Alex's arm and scooted closer when the elder girl climbed over her to get in the bed. "H-hold me."

Alex held Kara tight when she basically rolled on top of her. She couldn't remember the last time her sister was this needy and vulnerable. It was like the first year when she came to earth. Those nights were long and miserable for everyone.

Kara closed her eyes as Alex ran her fingers through her hair but remained alert in case her sister decided to leave her again. "You, you let those men take me away."

"I had to," Alex answered after a long pause. She heard Kara sniffling and knew her sister was going to start crying again. "Do you really think it would be fair to me if _I_ had to be the one to sedate you?"

"They, they strapped me down and just…" Kara trailed off as her voice broke. Her fingers buried themselves into Alex's shirt. "I kept screaming your n-name but you never came. Y-you left me."

"Kara, I had no choice." Now, Alex was trying not to cry. "You wouldn't calm down. What else were we supposed to do?"

Kara nestled herself further into Alex's arms and tightened her hold. Alex bit her lip at the sudden pressure on her rib cage. "I thought…" her voice was so faint that Alex had to strain her ears to hear. "I thought they were taking me away."

"W-what?"

"I wasn't thinking, okay?" Kara rolled away and sat up, massaging her temples when her head began to pulsate. "How do you deal with this…this throbbing pain?"

Alex couldn't help but laugh and rubbed Kara's back. "By sleeping." She coaxed her sister to lie back down and snuggled into her side.

"Can't I take more aspirin?"

"In four to six hours, yes."

"That seems pointless," Kara grumbled.

"Did you really think the agents were taking you away?"

"Everything just happened so fast," Kara acknowledged sadly. She closed her eyes and let the calming rhythm of Alex's heartbeat soothe her. It was something that oddly comforted her as a kid. "I don't even remember what happened."

Alex sighed. "You had a breakdown."

"I couldn't help it," Kara finally admitted. "Everything just…happened so fast. I don't know what happened. My anger just…"

"I know," Alex cut in when Kara's voice trailed off with a slight hiccup. She continued to stroke her sister's hair and was grateful that she was calming down and ready to process what happened. "It got the best of you."

"I'm sorry I ruined…you worked so hard on it."

"Don't worry about it," Alex promised. "I can fix it. If you want."

Kara shook her head. "Maybe. Not now. I don't know." She played with the bracelets on Alex's wrist and closed her eyes. "Sometimes I don't know if I can do it anymore."

Alex was afraid to ask what Kara meant. "Do what?"

"Be Supergirl," Kara confessed hesitantly. She wiggled free from Alex's iron clad grip around her waist and sat up, fixing her gaze across the room. "It's too hard sometimes. All the time. It's too hard, Alex."

"I think you just need some time," Alex whispered, sitting herself up and letting her hand hover over Kara's. Her sister was rejecting any source of comfort. "Hey, hey, look at me. Kara, look at me?"

Kara just shook her head and buried her face into her hands. "Can I just be alone?"

"If you keep bottling things up this could happen again. It's not good."

"I know," Kara whimpered, grabbing a fistful of her comforter. "But right now I just want to wallow. Let me wallow."

"Wallowing's not going to help, Kara," Alex said smartly. She took a breath and closed her eyes when Kara got off the bed. "Calm down. Please."

"Don't tell me to calm down!" Kara snapped. There it was again. The anger flared up almost instantly. "You don't know what it's like, okay?"

"I know, but I'm trying to help."

"You want to help?" Kara glared so harshly at Alex that the older girl took a step back and held her hands up in defense.

"You know I do," Alex said genuinely.

Kara could see her sister blinking back the tears. But she could not control it. She couldn't keep her rage down. "Leave. I don't want you here. Or Eliza. Or anyone."

"Kara, stop. You're not being rational."

"If you don't leave," Kara threatened but stopped when her voice betrayed her and cracked immediately.

Alex crossed her arms defiantly. "What are you going to do? Zap me?"

Kara's body shook as she went charging toward her sister but Alex immediately caught her by the waist and held her so tight, she could barely move.

"I know you have a lot of anger, Kara," Alex whispered, trying not to wince when Kara yelped and desperately tried to get herself free. "And maybe you need someone to take it out on, but I'm not the one you're mad at."

"Let me go," Kara yelled. "You're hurting me! You're hurting me!"

"Alexandra!" The sound of Eliza's voice immediately made Alex let go. "What in the world are you doing?" She rushed over to check on Kara and bit back the gasp rising in her throat at the sight of rage in Kara's eyes. "Kara, sweetheart."

"Mom, don't," Alex tried, tugging on her mother's arm. "Just leave her. She doesn't want us here." It was killing her but if that's what Kara wanted, that's what she was going to get. There was nothing more she could do.

"That's not true." Eliza bent down and tried to get Kara to look up at her. "What is going on with you, Kara? Talk to me. Please."

Kara just shook her head over and over again. She was almost catatonic. "Go away."

"I will not go away."

"Mom," Alex said with a little more authority in her voice. "Leave her."

"I'm not going to leave her like this," Eliza yelled back, standing up and watching Alex step back in fear. "She needs her mother."

Alex closed her eyes and braced herself for the worst.

"You're not my mother!" Kara screamed so loud, her voice shook.

Eliza placed her hands over her mouth in regret and stepped back when Kara got up and began pulling angrily at her sweatshirt. "I didn't mean, you know what I mean."

"You're not my mother," Kara repeated again.

"But we're your family, remember?" Alex whispered, swallowing past the lump in her throat. It was like Kara had no idea who they were. She had never ever felt this terrified of her sister. Sure, there was the slight anxiety when Kara would get mad as kids and her eyes would flash but nothing ever, ever happened.

"No," Kara couldn't help but laugh sadly. "My family is gone. You're not my family. You're not my mother. You're not even really my sister."

"Kara-" Eliza began but stopped when Alex stormed out of the room. She rushed after her daughter and tried grabbing her arm to stop her. "Alex, honey. Stop. She's not in the right place of mind now. She needs you."

"No," Alex replied after a minute. She felt the tears stream down her face but she refused to look up at her mother. "She doesn't."

Eliza winced when Alex slammed the door so hard, it rattled the entire loft.


	3. this is how you bring me back to life

**This chapter ended up being a beast. I got so carried away writing it..oops. Thank you all so much for the kind reviews. I really appreciate each and every one of them. I'm working on my first full length story about Alex and Kara's first year being sisters so look for that soon. :) Thank you all again!**

As much as it hurt, Eliza let Kara cry herself back to sleep.

She putzed around the kitchen, cleaning every surface imaginable and scrubbed the wooden floors as hard as she could. Anything to drown out the heartbreaking wails echoing through the loft. Kara didn't want anyone's comfort and Eliza had to respect that. She tided the living room and fluffed the pillows, collapsing in a heap on the edge of the couch when the sobs died down fifteen minutes later.

Kara was passed out in bed, curled in the fetal position with Alex's ratty old Stanford sweatshirt wrapped around her still. Eliza tiptoed to the bedroom and gingerly covered Kara with a small blanket and kissed her forehead, wishing that just this once, she could read minds and understand what was going through her foster daughter's mind.

Eliza busied herself by making Kara's favorite chocolate pecan pie. She quietly rummaged through the old rickety cabinets and found a baking dish that would suffice and preheated the oven while leaving a sixth voicemail for Alex, pleading for her to call back as soon as she could.

Alex was the only one who could piece Kara back together. Eliza did not like to admit that too often, but this time, she was ready to step back and allow her older daughter to handle the situation. However, Alex was also very stubborn and probably would not make a move until Kara apologized. She felt conflicted; despite her angry protests, Kara did need her but so did Alex.

While the pie baked, Eliza quietly pulled out one of the kitchen chairs and sat down, scanning over some work documents in her e-mail. Kara had been asleep for close to an hour now. She remembered how hard it was to get the young alien girl to sleep for the first several years. They tried earplugs to help muffle the sounds Kara was hypersensitive to but it never worked. She disliked the sensation in her ears and tore them apart while pulling them out. Then, one night, it was silent. Jeremiah and Eliza found Alex hanging off the small twin sized bed in the girls' shared room, fast asleep with Kara curled into her side like a cat.

Their sleeping routine went on for months until eventually, Kara could sleep by herself. But when Alex went away to college three years later, the whimpering and wailing started again and Eliza seriously considered pulling Alex out of Stanford and having her make the several hour commute and back each day. Alex would come visit each chance she got and Kara was bright and happy; the light in her eyes diminishing each time her older sister absolutely, positively _had_ to go back to school.

Eliza took the chocolate pecan pie out of the oven and let it cool, inhaling the all too familiar smell. It was sure to lure Kara awake, right? Her phone dinged and she grabbed it, trying to decipher the rambling three-message text Alex sent. The basic gist: she was at work trying to get some stuff done. She was fine.

"Alex? Alex!"

Eliza nearly dropped the knife she was holding to cut the pie at Kara's timid screams. Though she was not the person Kara wanted, she still made her way into the bedroom quietly, stopping short at the sight of Kara tangled in the blanket and thrashing around the bed.

"Kara, honey," Eliza began in concern, sitting herself on the bed. She gently shook Kara's trembling body and helped her sit up. "Kara, wake up. You're dreaming."

Kara's eyes shot open and she moaned at the stinging sensation. They were red rimmed; raw and so unbelievably dry that it hurt to keep them open. "E-Eliza?"

"I'm right here," Eliza promised. She squeezed Kara's hand tightly and was grateful when her daughter held on and did not pull away. "It's okay. You're okay."

It took Kara a minute to come to. She opened her eyes again and peered around her bedroom. Everything came rushing back instantly.

Eliza pressed the back of her hand to Kara's forehead and frowned. She was hot and sweaty. "You're burning up, sweetie. Why don't we take this off?" Kara was hesitant but allowed her to pull the sweatshirt up and over her head.

"T-thanks," Kara whispered, fiddling with the hem of her gray t-shirt. She sighed when Eliza scooted closer. "I'm so sorry."

"There is no need to apologize," Eliza said firmly. "I know you didn't mean it."

"I swear I didn't," Kara whimpered, on the verge of tears yet again. She felt thirteen-years old again as she leaned forward into Eliza's arms and practically climbed into her lap. Her whole body was weak and she felt weightless. "I didn't mean it."

"I know," Eliza whispered soothingly. She rubbed her hand up and down Kara's side, holding the younger girl tightly as she would allow. "It's okay."

"It's not okay," Kara corrected sadly. "It was so ignorant and…and so rude of me."

Eliza swallowed past the lump in her throat and momentarily let go when she felt Kara shift in her lap. "We all say things we don't mean, Kara."

"A-Alex hates me," Kara whispered with a slight whine. "I saw her face. I made her cry. And she _never_ cries."

"Alex does not hate you. I talked to her and everything is fine. She understands," Eliza lied after a pregnant pause. She brushed the side of Kara's head and kissed it to sell her lie even more.

Kara's grip on her foster mother gradually got looser. Within ten minutes she was able to stand on her own two feet and stare at Eliza apologetically. "You raised me like I was your own and, and I'm _so_ , _so_ sorry I said that. I'm sorry for even thinking that."

Eliza stood up and gently grabbed Kara by the shoulders. "Sweetie, you don't need to worry, okay? Why don't you take a nice hot shower and I'll make some tea."

"Okay," Kara whispered. "And p-pie? I smell pie."

"And pie," Eliza confirmed, a feeling of relief washing over her at the excited grin splashed across Kara's face.

She made her way back to the kitchen once she heard the water running and put the kettle on before cutting a generous slice of pie and zapping it in the microwave just a bit. By the time Kara came back out in a clean pair of pajamas and her wet hair braided down her left shoulder, the teakettle whistled and Kara jumped.

"After all these years?" Eliza chuckled, immediately shutting the burner off to the piercing whistling would stop.

Kara shook her head. "N-no. It just…scared me."

Eliza continued to laugh and motioned for Kara to sit on the couch. She poured a splash of milk in Kara's tea and carried everything over into the living room.

"Careful, it's hot."

Kara took Eliza's warning seriously and dunked her tea bag in and out of the steaming hot water. Even the mug was too much for her to hold. She grabbed the large piece of pie and began shoveling forkful after forkful in her mouth.

"This is so good."

"Yes, it is." Eliza grimaced slightly, pulling the plate away from Kara before she inhaled the whole thing. "You're going to give yourself a stomach ache. Slow down."

"Oh. Right."

Eliza patted Kara's knee and sipped her tea carefully. "Do you want to tell me what happened last night?"

Kara's body stiffened as she pulled the tea bag out of her mug and placed it on her pie plate. "My anger got the best of me. Again." She took a sip and recoiled when the hot liquid nearly burned her tongue off. "Hot."

"It's not easy being human, is it?" Eliza said knowingly, wiggling her eyebrows when Kara looked at her with a slight pout. "When do your powers come back?"

Kara just shrugged helplessly and rubbed her tired face. "I don't know."

"Well, the sun should help," Eliza whispered when Kara looked up. The scar above her eyebrow was a lot more visible in the afternoon light. Eliza had never asked about it; she assumed it was a painful memory if Kara never volunteered to tell the story behind it. "What you said about your mom-why do you think she lied to you?"

Kara occupied herself with the tea and sighed. "My Aunt Astra, my mom's twin sister, is…she's at the DEO. The place where Alex works."

"I know, honey," Eliza laughed. Kara always did over explain everything.

"She just got into my head and told me my mother wasn't the person I thought she was and it just…set me off. I have like three memories of her and now they're all ruined. I'm never going to know the truth."

Eliza shifted her position on the couch at the break in Kara's voice. "Honey, you believe what you want about your mother. Don't let anyone take that away."

"But Astra was like my second mother," Kara shared quietly. "She practically raised me because my mom was busy with work. But one day she just stopped coming around and I never knew why."

"It was probably to protect you."

Kara shrugged. "I never got to say goodbye," she mumbled, idly tracing the rim of her mug. "Then one day she came back…but it was a trap. My mother used me to draw her out of hiding so she could send her to Fort Rozz."

"She must have had her reasons."

"I don't know," Kara's voice broke again and she felt the tears sting her eyes. "And I'll never know. I don't want to know." She shook her head to get her thoughts straight.

"And that's perfectly fine," Eliza promised. She put her mug down and scooted closer to wrap Kara in a hug. "You're just like your sister; you bottle things up and then suddenly, you explode."

"I know."

"It's not good, honey."

"I know."

Eliza smiled against Kara's head. "Don't be fresh."

Kara laughed, a genuine, hearty laugh that almost seemed foreign to her. She couldn't remember a time in the past few days she laughed like that. "Is there more pie?"

"Of course there is."

"Maybe we should make Alex a blueberry pie," Kara suggested, finally pulling away from her foster mother. "I _still_ can't believe she hates chocolate pecan pie. It's literally the best dessert in the galaxy!"

"So I've heard."

"I just don't get it," Kara groaned, following Eliza to the kitchen. She never picked up baking. It always ended up being a disaster so she shied away from making anything unless Eliza was there to supervise.

"You're only making the pie to bribe your sister into talking to you, aren't you?"

Kara's gaze flitted across the room. "I am not."

"Oh, baby," Eliza began patronizingly, squeezing Kara's cheeks. "You are still the worst little liar I've ever met."

"I know," Kara sighed dramatically. She looked up at Eliza and leaned forward to hug her tightly again just so she knew how sorry she really was. "I know I don't say it enough but…"

"It's okay," Eliza cut in when Kara hesitated to finish her sentence. "I know you do."

"I love you," Kara whispered. "A lot."

Eliza just smiled and motioned for Kara to roll out the pie dough.

* * *

Walking the four blocks to Alex's apartment didn't feel right. Usually it took her under seven seconds to fly over and land on the small patio. She pulled at her coat (the sun was going down and it was _pretty_ chilly out) and quickened her pace when the busy sidewalk began to crowd with people who were mainly tourists hoping to sneak a peek at Supergirl.

Kara adjusted her glasses and crossed the street with the masses, breathing a sigh of relief when she got to Alex's apartment unscathed. She balanced the box of pie in one hand and pulled the door open; slowing down her pace once she got to the top of the stairs by Alex's apartment. Her sister's building was not as welcoming as hers. The hallways were always dimly lit and the ugly taupe carpet felt rough under her feet.

With a deep breath, Kara rapped on the heavy wooden door. "Alex? It's me. Kara."

Nothing.

"Okay, I know you're mad but…" Kara trailed off, knocking several more times. "I came to apologize. And I brought pie! Your favorite. Blueberry. I think chocolate pecan is better but-" She cleared her throat and bit down on her bottom lip when it quivered slightly. "Well…I'll just wait out here until you're ready."

Kara slid down the wall and placed the pie next to her, grabbing her phone to occupy herself. Eliza said Alex was fine. Why was she ignoring her? She tried calling Alex's phone but it went straight to voicemail.

She was starting to freak out a bit.

To ease her mind, Kara reluctantly bought more lives in Candy Crush and was absolutely determined to beat level 109. She had been stuck on it for days and Alex "didn't have the time" to beat it for her. Whatever that meant.

"Come on!" she groaned in frustration when she lost yet again. "I am not buying more lives," she grumbled, throwing her phone back in her coat pocket.

Kara sat up straighter when she heard footsteps. Figuring it was Alex's rather good-looking-maybe-old-enough-to-be-her-dad neighbor, she looked back down and picked at her nails. It was a nervous habit she could never break. Alex and Eliza did the same thing when they were stressed, Alex especially. The footsteps were getting closer and closer. Alex's hot neighbor did not need to see her pathetically slumped against her big sister's front door, waiting to be let in like a locked out puppy. So, she stood up and figured it was best to just leave.

Alex would call her when she was ready to talk. Hopefully.

Kara carefully stood up and reached for the pie, nearly dropping it when she heard her name.

"Kara?"

"Alex!" Kara yelled louder than she anticipated. She looked between her sister and the door, her cheeks blushing slightly when she realized how embarrassing it was that she had been talking to herself for the past half hour. "I thought, I thought you were ignoring me."

Alex raised an eyebrow and gestured to her work attire. "I was at work."

"Work. Right." Kara closed her eyes. She gripped the pie tightly and practically forced it into Alex's hands. "I, I brought you pie. Blueberry."

Alex unlocked her front door and lingered in the entryway when Kara nervously stood outside. "Do you want to come in?"

"Oh! You want me to come in?"

"Yes?" Alex stared at her sister oddly. "Why would I invite you in then?"

"Right," Kara repeated, following her sister into her apartment. She kicked the door shut with her foot and stood awkwardly in the same place as Alex disappeared into her bedroom to change. She placed the pie down on the kitchen counter and wrung her hands together nervously.

Alex appeared minutes later in a pair of sweatpants. "How are you feeling?"

Kara looked down at her feet. "B-Better."

"That's good," Alex mumbled. She threw open the fridge door and grabbed a bottle of water, proceeding to gulp down half the bottle. "Do you want anything?"

"I'm, I'm so sorry," Kara blurted out suddenly. She still refused to look up, even when she felt Alex getting closer. "I didn't mean what I said."

"I know."

That got Kara to look up. "No, no. You can't forgive me that easily. What I said was horrible and rude and I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it."

"Kara, I know," Alex promised, engulfing her sister into a much-needed hug when she burst into tears. "It's okay. We're going to be okay."

Kara buried her face into the crook of Alex's neck and held her as tightly as she could. It was a lot easier since they were the same height. "You're my big sister."

"I am," Alex chuckled. She rubbed Kara's back and tried not to wince when her sister's grip kept tightening. "You know, for someone who's lost their strength you still hug pretty tightly."

"Sorry!" Kara pulled back and removed her glasses to wipe her eyes with the back of her sleeves. "Did I hurt you?"

"No more than usual."

A smile flashed across Kara's face. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Alex demanded lightly, holding up her left hand. "I know you didn't mean anything by it."

"I still feel awful."

"And you will for the next ten years," Alex whispered knowingly. She led Kara over to the couch and sat her down. "Kara, I get it. You get angry sometimes and say things you don't mean. We all do."

Kara immediately went to protest. "But Alex-"

"God, Kara, stop!" Alex whined, reaching for her sister's hand. "You didn't mean what you said, okay? Yeah, it hurt. And yeah I went and cried and maybe broke a punching bag at the DEO but I know deep down that you only said it because you were angry about your mom and needed someone to take it out on."

"How did you know?"

Alex rolled her eyes and pulled Kara in for another hug. "Because I'm your sister."

Kara let herself relax in Alex's embrace. "But I had a whole speech planned."

"Save it for the next time you tell me I'm not your sister."

"Alexxxx," Kara whined. She pulled back and put on her puppy dog eyes to make Alex feel bad.

"Do you want some pie?"

"Yes! Finally. I was waiting for you to ask," Kara pouted and watched Alex get off the couch and grab the pie.

"Did you make this?" Alex asked skeptically. She took the pie out of the box and stared at it.

Kara sighed dramatically. " _No_. Eliza kicked me out of the kitchen, MY kitchen, when I dropped most of the blueberries on the floor."

Alex laughed because that sounded something like her mother would do. She grabbed two forks and handed one to Kara when she sat back down on the couch. The younger girl dove right in. "Don't you dare eat all of this."

"Relax," Kara replied with her mouthful. "I had three pieces of chocolate pecan pie before I came."

Alex grimaced and took four bites when Kara took time to swallow. "You're such a pig."

"I know."

"Stop talking with your mouth full! It's gross."

"I'm sorry," Kara apologized, her mouth still full of food. "Sorry."

Alex rolled her eyes and smirked when Kara groaned and threw her fork down, collapsing back on the couch dramatically. "Eat too fast?"

"I feel like I'm going to explode."

Alex leaned back in the couch and kept the pie for herself while Kara continued to groan and clutch her stomach. "That's what you get for eating too fast."

"I don't like this."

"Well, you should be back to your weird alien self soon."

Kara sighed and sat up, her arm still draped across her lower abdomen. "Alex? Why did you forgive me so easily?"

Alex put the pie on the table and shifted her body a bit so she was facing Kara. "Do you want me to still be mad at you?"

"What? No!" Kara sat up too fast and moaned. "I was just ready to grovel…"

"Well, that's why you brought the pie, right? To soften the blow?"

"Maaaybe," Kara replied coyly. She bit her lip and leaned forward so her forehead was resting on Alex's shoulder. She smiled when her sister patted her back. "I feel like I don't deserve your forgiveness."

Alex pulled Kara back a bit and held her at arm's length. "You've got enough going on as it is. Me staying mad at you won't help the situation at all."

"Okay."

"Do you want to watch Homeland?"

"Okay."

Kara curled into Alex's side and sighed contently when the all too familiar theme song filled the room. "I'm going to remember my mom the way I want." She said after ten minutes of silence.

Alex paused the show and rubbed her arm. "I think that's the best thing to do."

"I want to talk to my Aunt Astra."

"Kara, I don't think…" Alex trailed off when she saw the determination on her sister's face. "I can't handle seeing you like that ever again."

"I won't freak out. I promise." She grabbed Alex's hands and squeezed them. "Please. I need closure and the only person who can give me that is my Aunt Astra."

Alex closed her eyes. "Fine. But I'm only giving you five minutes."

"Got it."

* * *

The ride to the DEO seemed long. Kara fidgeted with the seat belt across her lap and tugged anxiously at her cape. "Agent Carson isn't going to be there, right?"

Alex laughed loudly. "I still can't believe you bit him."

"I didn't mean to!" Kara cried in defense. She slumped down in the chair when Alex pulled into the DEO parking lot. "I'll send him an edible arrangement. People _love_ edible arrangements."

"Mmhm." Alex shut off the engine and looked at her sister in concern. "You can change your mind you know."

Kara shook her head. "I have to do this."

"Okay," Alex sighed and got out of the car. "Five minutes is five minutes."

"I know, I know," Kara said shortly. She reached for Alex's hand when they entered the DEO and felt her stomach twist and turn. Her heart was racing against her chest. You didn't need super hearing to hear it. "This is dumb. This is dumb, right?"

Alex stopped and pulled Kara into her arms, closing her eyes when the younger girl held on for dear life. "You don't have to do this."

"I need to know. I need to know Astra was lying."

Alex nodded supportively and pulled Kara along to the cell where Astra was being housed. She let her fingers linger over the security code and stared at her sister one last time. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," Kara said with all the confidence she could muster. "Will, will you wait here?"

"I'm not going anywhere," Alex promised. She reached for Kara's hand and gave it one last squeeze before unlocking the door. "I'll be right here."

Kara nodded in thanks and took a breath. The first step into Astra's cell almost made her want to turn back around and run home. The door sealed shut, making her jump in place.

Astra chuckled.

Kara's body froze at the sound of her aunt's devious cackle.

"Well, little one. I heard you had quite the meltdown yesterday." Astra unfurled herself from the floor and stood up, pressing her body up against the glass. "The guards were quite amused by it. It's all they could talk about."

Kara tried to remain undeterred, clutching her fists at her side while she took baby steps to the cell. "I'm over it now."

"Are you sure about that? You're cowering like a small child now."

"I used to love you as much as I loved my mother," Kara began in a whisper. She looked all around the room, half expecting Alex to burst through any minute.

Astra rolled her eyes. "Then you believed your mother's lies and that was the end of it. Right?"

"My mother wasn't a liar!" Kara screamed. She felt the rage ignite in her veins but she couldn't give in. She couldn't repeat yesterday's events. "She was a good person and you deserved everything that happened to you!"

"Ah, see. The tremor in your voice tells me otherwise."

"I am not going to let you ruin whatever memories I have left of my mother," Kara continued lowly. She crossed her arms and kept her hands tightly tucked under them.

"Oh, Kara," Astra laughed, rolling her head back dramatically. "You naïve girl."

Kara got up and banged on the glass.

"Careful," Astra warned mockingly. "Your human guards will come drag you away. They'll strap you down and sedate you again."

"How could you be so heartless?" Kara asked innocently. She closed her eyes at how small her voice sounded and sat back down, her right shoulder pressed firmly against the glass. "You loved me like I was your own."

Astra paused in contemplation. "Who said I stopped?"

"You have a funny way of showing it," Kara mumbled, idly picking at her cape, anything to avoid eye contact with her aunt.

"What do you want?" Astra asked bluntly. "And don't look at me with those wounded eyes. It may work on the humans but it won't work on me."

Kara couldn't help but laugh. She stared at her aunt, watching as the green eyes peering at her through the glass softened. "If you love me like you say you do, tell me about my mother. Tell me the truth."

Astra guffawed but sat down against her end of the glass, her head resting in the same exact space as Kara's. "She saw the best in everyone. Even me."

Kara nestled herself closer, eyes brimming with tears as her aunt told her _everything_ about her mother. How Alura never stopped believing in Astra. How Alura never gave up on anyone, no matter how bad they were. She saw in the good in everyone and everything.

"You are just like her, Kara," Astra whispered, feeling her own tears come to the surface when Kara's face lit up. "In every way. She'd be so proud."

Kara knew she had been in there longer than five minutes. She wiped away her tears and sat up a little taller. "I don't remember any of that."

"How could you? You were so little."

"You, you really think she'd be proud of me?" Kara asked in slight hesitation. She wrung her hands together in anticipation.

"I know she would. Your father, too."

"Oh." Kara caught the sob rising in her throat and took a breath so she could compose herself.

The door slid open and Kara jumped to her feet, desperate to hide the fact that she had been crying. Alex would jump to conclusions.

"Your five minutes are up," Alex said softly. She hung back by the door and clasped her hands behind her back.

"Just o-one more minute. P-please," Kara begged. She saw the skepticism in her sister's eyes and resorted to her puppy dog face. "Please."

Alex reluctantly nodded. "I'm staying right here."

Kara was grateful. She turned back to her aunt. "My mother. What did, what did she smell like?"

"That's an odd question," Astra said, slightly confused. She laughed anyway. "It is a smell that is not prevalent on earth."

"That's what I thought," Kara muttered, her gaze casting downward.

"Something similar to that odd fruit people find joy in chopping down from a tree. How primitive."

Kara's shoulders slumped. "I don't know."

"A coconut?" Alex piped up, backing against the wall when Kara and Astra stared at her simultaneously. "A coconut." Her eyes narrowed when Astra met her gaze. If Astra had to lie to please Kara then so be it.

"The human is right," Astra said with a small smirk. "A coconut."

"Coconut," Kara repeated to herself. She wanted to ingrain it firmly in her memory and never let it go. "And her eyes? Were, were they green?"

"They were," Astra confirmed.

"Thank you, Aunt Astra," Kara replied happily.

"You're welcome, little one."

Kara pressed her hand up against the glass and smiled when Astra did the same. Astra wasn't her mother but it was the closest thing she could get to her.

"Come on," Alex whispered, slinging her arm around Kara's waist so she could escort her out.

"Wait, wait," Kara whimpered when they were halfway to the door. "Can, can I…" she couldn't find the courage to ask. Alex would say no. "Can I hug her?"

"Kara, I can't," Alex replied sadly. She kept her grip from across her sister's waist and sighed when Kara let out a sob and hugged her. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," Kara cried in understanding. "It's okay."

Alex looked up and saw Astra peering at them curiously. "Thank you," she mouthed to the woman who unknowingly pieced her baby sister back together.

Astra didn't say anything. Instead, she titled her head a bit and returned to the previous position in her cell to hide her tears.

Kara pulled away from Alex and glanced one last time back at her aunt. She let her sister pull her out of the room and into the brightly lit hallway. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Kara replied honestly. "I am."

Alex rubbed Kara's forearms and smiled up at her. "You needed that."

Kara just nodded and slipped her hand into Alex's. "I did."

"Well, we should get home," Alex said, slinging her arm around Kara's shoulders when her head rested against her own. "Mom called and said she's making dinner. Your favorite of course," she mumbled with a playful eye roll, poking Kara's sides when she snickered triumphantly.

"Hey!" Kara went into defense mode. "Chicken parm is _the_ best-"

"Food in the galaxy. And as someone who's been to twelve different ones, you should know. I know. I've heard it before," Alex mocked, grinning when Kara pouted and crossed her arms.

"Meanie."

"Spoiled."

Kara went to protest but stopped when she realized how true Alex's statement was.

"Ms. Danvers. Glad to see you're doing well."

Kara closed her eyes at the sound of Director Henshaw's voice. She just nodded and groaned when Alex turned her around. "Hi, sir."

"I assume everything is back to normal?" Hank said, raising an eyebrow when both Danvers sisters nodded frantically. "Glad to hear it. Take the week to rest, Ms. Danvers. You need it." When Kara nodded, he stared at her oddly. "What? No argument? No pouting?"

"Sir, with all due respect, I think I embarrassed myself in front of you enough for the rest of my life," Kara whispered. "Plus I bit one of your agents."

"He'll survive. He'll get his worker's comp."

"For a bite?!" Kara could not help but roll her eyes. "What a baby!"

Alex chuckled and pushed Kara forward a bit. "See you tomorrow, Hank."

Hank mumbled something and left the two sisters as they headed for the back door.

The ride home was silent, save for Kara humming along to the radio. She awkwardly changed in the backseat of Alex's car and nearly fell out when her sister swung the door open when she was leaning against it.

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"Maybe," Alex replied ominously. She helped her sister steady herself and pulled her along to the entrance.

Eliza was just finishing the table setting when the front door open. She beamed at her two daughters and motioned for them to sit. "Everything just finished."

Kara's mouth was salivating at the sight of her favorite food in the middle of her small kitchen table. "It smells amazing, Eliza. Thank you!"

Alex mocked Kara's tone under her breath and reached for a piece of garlic bread before Kara could eat it all. She watched her sister pile her plate with at least three spoonfuls of spaghetti, topping it off with the biggest piece of chicken on the plate.

"What?" Kara asked innocently. "I'm hungry."

"How?" Alex wondered seriously " _How_? You've eaten like twelve pieces of pie today. And you're supposed to be a human. You should have exploded by now."

"Take it easy," Eliza suggested, pouring water in everyone's glass. "I would offer wine but I'm not so sure how Kara would react to alcohol…"

Kara just slurped her spaghetti happily, swinging her legs under the table while doing so. "Fis is so good," she said between bites. "Fank yoo."

"Kara, honey, don't talk with your mouthful," Eliza warned lightly, brushing it off with a laugh when Kara apologized. "Eat slowly. We don't want you to choke."

"Or do we?" Alex said deviously. She daintily cut her chicken and swirled a small amount of spaghetti around her fork.

Kara rolled her eyes and reached for another piece of garlic bread. She dipped it in the sauce and took a large bite, ignoring the looks of disgust from her foster mother and sister. "What now?"

"I thought I taught you table manners," Eliza said a bit judgmentally.

"Yeah," Alex scoffed. "You eat like you're an alien."

"I _am_ an alien."

Alex shook her head and sipped her water slowly. The family fell into a comfortable silence, save for the sound of Kara's knife scraping frantically against the plate while cutting through her chicken. She looked up and smiled at her mother.

"I don't know what you did," Eliza began in a whisper, leaning closer to Alex so Kara wouldn't hear. "But you fixed her. Just like I knew you would."

"She fixed herself," Alex said with a smile. "I didn't do much."

Eliza returned the smile and kissed Alex's temple. "Of course you did."

"Are you guys talking about me? Kara cut in with a raised eyebrow. She took one last bite of food and sighed contently. "I feel like you are."

"Never," Alex feigned offense and pushed her plate forward. "I'm full."

Eliza nodded in agreement and threw her napkin down. "Me, too."

"I'm not," Kara scoffed. "Is there any more pie left?"

"In the fridge."

"That girl," Eliza said to herself as she began clearing the dishes, staring at Alex when she didn't lift a finger. "A little help?"

"What about Kara?" Alex whined like she was a teenager again. She pouted slightly and gathered her sister's abandoned dish. "She never has to help."

"Kara is going to do the dishes."

Kara looked up, mid-bite from her pie. "Kara's going to do what?"

"The dishes," Eliza said slowly. "I spent all day cooking and cleaning for you."

Alex could not hide the joy in her face. "Best day ever." When Eliza retreated to the living room to relax, Alex pulled her sister over to the sink. "Come on, pouty. You wash and I'll dry. The pie will still be there when we're finished."

"Okay," Kara sighed dramatically.

Within ten minutes, the dishes were done and put away, much to Eliza's delight. She pushed over to the middle cushion and smiled when both her daughters flanked each side of her. "We should do this more often."

Kara rested her head on Eliza's shoulder. Alex did the same. "Minus the breakdown, yes. We should."

Eliza squeezed Kara's shoulder. "I'm just glad you're okay, sweetie."

"So am I," Alex whispered, reaching across her mother to squeeze Kara's hand.

"I'm sorry," Kara found herself apologizing yet again. "For everything."

"We know you are," Eliza said. She kissed the top of Kara's head. "You're allowed to have your bad days, Kara. We all are."

Kara closed her eyes and relaxed into her foster mother's embrace. "My mom would have really liked you guys."

Alex smiled and ran her thumb across Kara's knuckles when her hand trembled slightly. Eliza did the same and held both her daughters against her chest. "I'm sure we would have really liked her, too."

"Yeah," Kara whispered, letting everything Astra said about her mother fill her mind. She smiled and lay across Eliza and Alex's laps. "You would have. But she'd be happy to know I had a really great mother and big sister to raise me."

Kara eased herself up and stared at the two most important people in her life. "I don't know what I did to deserve you guys."

"You did get pretty lucky," Alex joked with a teary smile.

"I know," Kara whispered, even though she knew Alex was teasing. She pulled Eliza and Alex in for a hug and held on with no intention of letting go. "Thank you for not…for not giving up on me after I was so horrible to you."

"We're your family," Eliza reminded Kara softly. "We would never give up on you."

"Even when you delete stuff on my DVR to make room for The Bachelor," Alex said, relieved to hear the laughter bubbling out of Kara's throat. "We're not going anywhere."

Kara smiled, still wondering how she got so lucky to have the family she did.


End file.
